Thursday, May 8, 2008

Internet

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the Communications Decency Act

Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You kiss you girlfriend's home page.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned into them.

Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.

Addicted to the Internet When:
You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap and your kid in the overhead compartment.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3...

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
your night dreams are in HTML.

Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You turn your modem off and get this awful epmty feeling, like you just pulled the plug of your loved one.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au"

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
Your heart races faster and beats irredgularly each time you see a new WWW site address printed on the TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You step out of the room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have any idea when it happened.

Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You turn on the intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if e-mail arrives.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You wife drapes a blond wig over the monitor to remind you of what she looks like.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
All of your friends have an @ in their names.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
Looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted purple.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
Your dog has its own webpage.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You've visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos. or [C]ontinue?

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You can't call your mother because she doesn't have a modem.

Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You believe nothing looks sexier than a man in boxer shorts illuminated by a 17" svga monitor.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You check your mail. It says "no new Messages." So you check it again.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You refer to your age as 3.x.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You have comandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
Your phonebill comes to the door in a box.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on your favorite IRC Channel.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You code your homework in HTML and give your intsructor the URL.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You don't know what sex is over three of your closeset friends are, because they have nuetral nick names and you never bothered to ask.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You laugh at people with 2400 baud modems.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
Your husband tells you he's had the beard for two months.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You move into a new house and decide to netscape before you landscape.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You tell the cab driver you live at Http://blk 1 lot 10 phase 2/r.castillo/agdao/html

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
Your virtual girlfriend finds a new sweetheart with a larger bandwidth.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your IRC channel.

Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You buy a idol dagul chair with a built in keyboard and mouse.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer can not come to bed"

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You are so familiar with the WWW that you find search engines useless.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 4.5 or higher."

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You never have to deal with the busy signal when calling your ISP...because you never log off.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You put a pillow case over your laptop so your lover doesn't see it while youre pretending to catch your breath.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You ask a plumber how much it would cost you to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You forget what year it is.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You ask a doctor to implant a gig in your brain.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind, the perfect soundtrack to "surfing the net"

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited"

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
Your wife says communication is important in a marriage, so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.

You Know You're Addicted to the Internet When:
As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.

do you tinhk your an addicted on internet?..
think again cause maybe your addicted to internet also!!

Monday, May 5, 2008

49 ways to freak your Roommate

1 ways to FREAK your roommate - Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.

2 ways to FREAK your roommate - Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.

3 ways to FREAK your roommate - Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?

4 ways to FREAK your roommate - Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say, "Uh-oh, it looks like, THEY, were here again."

5 ways to FREAK your roommate - Every time you see your roommate yell, "You son of a..." and kick him/her in the stomach. Then buy him/her some ice cream.

6 ways to FREAK your roommate - Set your roommate's bed on fire. Apologize and explain that you've been watching too much "Beavis & Butthead." Do it again. Tell him/her that you're not sorry because this time, they deserved it.

7 ways to FREAK your roommate - Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as you wake up. If your roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses. Complain that you've been having terrible nightmares.

8 ways to FREAK your roommate - Eat lots of "Lucky Charms." Pick out all the yellow moons and stockpile them in the closet. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are coming, but you can't say anything more, or you'll have to face the consequences.

9 ways to FREAK your roommate - Set up meetings with your roommate's faculty advisor. Inquire about his/her academic potential. Take lots of notes, and then give your roommate a full report. Insist that he/she do the same.

10 ways to FREAK your roommate - "Drink" a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are in training. Eat a dozen donuts every night.

11 ways to FREAK your roommate - Every Thursday, pack up everything you own and tell your roommate you're going home. Come back in an hour and explain that no one was home. Unpack everything and go to sleep.

12 ways to FREAK your roommate - Every time you wake up, start yelling, "Oh, my God! Where the hell am I?!" and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you don't know what he/she is talking about.

13 ways to FREAK your roommate - Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "It's spreading, it's spreading."

14 ways to FREAK your roommate - Buy a McDonald's "Happy Meal" for lunch every day. Eat the straw and the napkin. Throw everything else away.

15 ways to FREAK your roommate - Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks, start to argue with it loudly. Then yell, "I can't live in the same room with you," storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever again.

16 ways to FREAK your roommate - Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.

17 ways to FREAK your roommate - Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.

18 ways to FREAK your roommate - Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...."

19 ways to FREAK your roommate - Lock the door while your roommate is out. When he/she comes back and tries to unlock it, yell, "Don't come in, I'm naked!" Keep this up for several hours. When you finally let your roommate in, immediately take off all of your clothes, and ignore your roommate.

20 ways to FREAK your roommate - Bring in potential "new" roommates from around campus. Give them tours of the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front of him/her, and reply, "Oh, him/her? He/she won't be here much longer."

21 ways to FREAK your roommate - If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the head with a rolling pin. Immediately go to bed, muttering, "Ungrateful little..."

22 ways to FREAK your roommate - Pile dirty dishes in your roommate's bed. Insist that you don't know how they got there.

23 ways to FREAK your roommate - Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

24 ways to FREAK your roommate - Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come to your room and visit you. Write out a will, leaving everything to your roommate. One day, miraculously "recover." Insist that your roommate write out a will, leaving everything to you. Every time he/she coughs, excitedly say, "Oooh, are you dying?"

25 ways to FREAK your roommate - Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your stuff back into the room and tell your roommate, "Okay, your turn."

26 ways to FREAK your roommate - Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then get rid of the tarantula. If your roommate asks, say, "Oh, he's around here somewhere."

27 ways to FREAK your roommate - Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

28 ways to FREAK your roommate - Bowl inside the room. Set up tournaments with other people in the building. Award someone a trophy. If your roommate wants to bowl too, explain that he/she needs bowling shoes.

29 ways to FREAK your roommate - Walk backwards all the time. Then pretend to trip and hurt yourself. Fake an injury and go through a long, painful recovery. Start walking backwards again.

30 ways to FREAK your roommate - While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

31 ways to FREAK your roommate - Explain to your roommate that you're going to be housing a prospective student in the near future. One day, bring in a pig. If your roommate protests, hug the pig and tell your roommate that he/she hurt its feelings. Watch T.V with the pig, eating lots of bacon.

32 ways to FREAK your roommate - Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the hell is my sandwich!?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.

33 ways to FREAK your roommate - Punch a hole in the T.V. Sit and watch it anyway, complaining about the poor picture quality.

34 ways to FREAK your roommate - Wear a cape. Stand in front of an open window for about an hour every day. Then, one day, when your roommate is gone, go outside and lie down underneath the window, pretending to be hurt, and wait for your roommate to return. The next day, start standing in front of the window again.

35 ways to FREAK your roommate - Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."

36 ways to FREAK your roommate - Fill an empty shaving cream can with whipped cream. Use it to shave,and then spray some into your mouth. Later on, complain that you feel sick. Continue this process for several weeks.

37 ways to FREAK your roommate - Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your roommate asks, explain that "It's a jungle out there." Get your roommate to bring you food and water.

38 ways to FREAK your roommate - Keep a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Look at it with fear for a few days. Then stay out of the room entirely, opening the door only a crack and whispering to your roommate, "Psst! Is it gone?"

39 ways to FREAK your roommate - Break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests, explain that you were hot. Open and close the broken window as you normally would.

40 ways to FREAK your roommate - Throw darts at a bare wall. All of a sudden, act excited, telling your roommate that you hit the bull's eye.

41 ways to FREAK your roommate - Send flowers to your roommate, with a card that says, "I'm sorry. It won't happen again." When you see them, start ripping up the flowers. Repeat the process for a few weeks.

42 ways to FREAK your roommate - Call your roommate "Clyde" by accident. Start doing so every so often. Increase the frequency over the next few weeks, until you are calling him "Clyde" all the time. If your roommate protests, say, "I'm sorry. I won't do that anymore, Murray."

43 ways to FREAK your roommate - Hire a night watchman to guard the room while you are sleeping. Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.

44 ways to FREAK your roommate - Practice needlepoint every night. At one point, grab your thumb and scream, "Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Cry hysterically for a few minutes, and then go to bed. Sob and sniff all night.

45 ways to FREAK your roommate - When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After you hang up, say, "That was your mom. She said she'd call back."

46 ways to FREAK your roommate - Every time your roommate comes in, immediately turn off the lights and go to bed. When he/she leaves, get up and loudly yell, "Okay, guys, you can come out now."

47 ways to FREAK your roommate - Start wearing a crown, all the time. If your roommate tells you to take it off, say, "What the hell do you think you are? A king?"

48 ways to FREAK your roommate - Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing. Then, look up and say, "I think this game goes a lot faster with two players."

49 ways to FREAK your roommate - Talk back to your "Rice Krispies." All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."